Dylan, oh, Dylan

I am a ‘mommy’ and nothing feels better than hearing, feeling, tasting, touching –witnessing! that indeed I am one. My daughter is three years old and til this day I am tickled each time she would call out ‘mommy!” Every time I hear that word I am reminded of the bliss this one, unexpected role –motherhood—gives me. Now, I am days away from enrolling Dylan in nursery—her first formal taste of a social circle outside of her family—and I am giddy, excited, nervous but most of all, proud. My daughter in school? She is growing up and, again, I am reminded that I am a mommy—I have to buy her a baonan, notebook, crayola, accompany her on the first day of school (will she like it?), dress her into her uniform (three years ago this thought was as distant as the earth is from the moon)—and, yes, I love to dwell in all that crappy school detail. After three years I think I’m still getting the hang (and the rush) of motherhood. I never expected it to be this wonderful, to have so much love for one person that serving her is one of the most gratifying thing I’ve ever done in my life. Too much, really, that my friends find it OA: “Dahl, konting ligaw na lang sasagutin ka na nyan!” Ika nga ng friends ko. But this is what motherhood really does to you—the thought of it overwhelms you even during your busiest moments (like today I’ve a deadline but, wag ka, talaga naman kailangan kong mag emote otherwise I won’t be able to contain it)— and you just have to stop and think and smile and, finally, agree “etong happiness na ito, wazzzak!”

Inspiration

“Easy to think when you are young how you are going to change the world. Not so easy to see how the world is going to change you.”—Conrado de Quiros.

During the weekdays, I always try to start my mornings with a dose of inspiration from the only columnist I effortlessly read, Conrado de Quiros. Although money—and how to make more it-- pretty much occupies most of my working days, I’d still like to get a morality/reality check through his columns. Am I being greedy (greedy daw o), selfish, indifferent? I like reading de Quiros because he reminds me of the need to be selfless for a world much bigger than where I circulate--atsaka, cute din namn siya, a. Now that I am 32, with child, I never thought a little bit of idealism would come creeping in my system once again. Not that I’ve been really active when I was younger but I did volunteer for an NGO for a while, attended one or two rallies and never hesitated when it was time to do my small part to oust erap from malacanang. But as de Quiros said, the world has changed me—and it seems I’m doing little to fight it. Being back in the city after three years in the province , a few nationalistic veins have come alive (or pwede ring baka today lang 'to). But that’s as far as it goes—it’s all in my head. As far as action is concerned, I have nothing to show. I somehow rationalize it with the fact that I still have to take total control of my life. This girl has a lot of things to unload (chos!) In the meantime, it’ll still be reading de Quiros everyday just to make sure that flicker of selflessness and nationalism doesn’t go out.

Guilty ever.